A parent’s ecology about the partner’s birth
I was born. Initially, I wanted to be present all the time, but my wife was against it, I didn’t want to see all the physical details. Although the person who is more realistic and more protective of horror films, and occasionally (especially for educational purposes only) looks at hardcore porn, the physical nature of the process does not scare. Plus, they didn’t show me anything – my wife and I agreed that she would stand behind the screen at the time of her immediate birth.
The rest of the time – and by the time the water was gone, and the whole process took more than 30 hours before Sasha was born – I was there. It was one of the most important (if not the most important) moments of my life. But honestly, I didn’t expect it to grow that way. After that, I got some sleep.
I was offered a bite, which is surprising to me, I didn’t have time to think about the proposal and refused, saying it would be better if I did it professionally. And then he regretted it.
Generally, “shared births” – this sounds a bit scary. I have never guessed my participation in such a position. In general, this decision should be taken individually in each case. But in our case, it was a very useful event for all participants.
Joint delivery did not affect the baby – I don’t think I would have loved it less if I hadn’t been around. I suspect that direct birth can affect a child’s behavior. Our shared births also did not affect our relationship with our wife. Rather, the fact of the birth of a long-awaited baby impressed us.
My grandmother spent most of her life working in the hospital, so I’ve been to at least one emergency room there. Grandma, by the way, as an old-school woman, was against shared birth. They say that, and a lot of troubles and even a nervous husband has been put out. Now, realizing all this, I did not try to get under my feet, scandalize and honor the doctors’ work.
All births occurred in Molodynea Maternity Hospital # 72 in Moscow. The first time they gave birth for free, later on for a fee. It didn’t make much difference, except a separate room and an opportunity for me to meet my wife at any time.
I thought about possibly attending the birth, and Lena wasn’t sure for the first time whether she wanted it or not. The second time I was not so interested in the first time and wanted more. But the second time the doctor let me cut the umbilical cord.
There is nothing quite unexpected or surprising in the birth of a baby. Well, yes, physically, but that didn’t affect his relationship with his wife afterward.
I believe the common birth is OK. When someone is there to help a woman, supply water, fix a sensor, or call a doctor if something happens, the woman is very calm. Also, in the presence of her husband, doctors behaved slightly more restrictive, not trying to suppress women will immediately.
A person, on the other hand, becomes a witness that he is unlikely to be seen anywhere. This helps the woman better understand what she is looking for. And I think, the attitude with the baby is changing.
Also, the presence at the birth of a child creates the ritual of fools. Nothing special, the most interesting was already in the birth.
An alternative to being present – sitting at home and being seduced by ignorance – is not my option. I don’t know, maybe someone is drinking with friends right now, but it’s some kind of trash.
The idea of shared birth was more like a wife. Well, that’s it. We’re a little older than most births for the first time, so we decided it was better to play it safe and sign up for paid pregnancy management, including this joint birth.
I didn’t imagine giving birth to myself, I didn’t have any specific details in my head. Also, he initially said that at the crucial moment, the chamber will be asked to accompany a colleague. But it turned out that I was very comfortable standing at the head of the bed, so it was too late to get me out when Bachmann decided to appear in front of his eyes.
The whole process took about 12 12 to 13 hours, all this time I and my wife were walking around the room, fooling around, taking some photos, videos, listening to women’s screams in labor on the floor. ۔
The important value of the husband appears, I think, is when the movement starts, when the contraction becomes intense, and you stand and run your wife: exhale, breath, breath, exhale. Maybe, nothing else needs to be done. Well, yeah, it’s that simple: you help breathe, you say some obvious things, you give a drink, a nap on the forehead, you can call your sister, and then everyone starts to rave. They push you aside – and hello.
In the process of sensationalism, there was no holiness, but rather everything can be described with the phrase: damn nature, you are terrible. It now looks amazing when I see a guy who crawls, tries to eat with a spoon, listens to music, etc. Here he was not, he appeared to be a small and very serious person, and now he feeds me, gently tearing the grapes with his little fingers. Wow!
In my opinion, this is a great experience, if only because it would be more difficult to get along with. If I gave birth to myself, I wouldn’t want to be alone. So, if you can walk together, go. We have no regrets about this adventure. And our aftermath has not changed.
But generally, we have to admit that if everything didn’t take 13 hours, but, say 3, it would have been even easier. So, if I had the chance to change anything at this time, I’d eat more with myself. Seriously, guys, my advice to you is to grab some chocolate bars for yourself. Useful.
Now, of course, many details have been erased from memory. It has been 25 years since the birth of my eldest son, but I will try to explain what I remember.
For some reason, some people believe that the presence of a father in childbirth is a feat, others think that it is excessive and nothing gives, but only the latter relationship is damaged, As is the case with sex (these are probably especially suspicious men).
Speaking of me purely, I reacted to my partial random presence at birth, at all without being neutral and expressive. That is, the joy of having a son was certainly there, but I did not share it with the fact that I was there, I saw something and helped morally. Now I thought, of course, not only that I was a doctor, but that I was only twenty-one years old in 1991, and that I was probably still not fully aware of the incident.
Why was I born “partially by accident”? Because the birth occurred during the gynecological cycle at the Kharkiv Medical Institute, moreover, in an unusual way, the wife decided to give birth on the day of my duty at the clinic. That is, I didn’t have to talk to anyone about my presence; besides, I had to be there, even though I didn’t want to.
The birth of a child has passed quickly, as written, which is perfectly consistent with the information contained in the textbook on general, non-abortive, childbirth. Accordingly, I did the same thing as a textbook (most likely, by the fourth year, doctors have already appeared and strengthened what others call illiteracy, and doctors – professionalism). So, calmly, with trembling hands, he shaved his wife, who was supposed to shave, helped him to hold the kidney, brought it to Rudzl, even-handed it to my son. Calm, slightly affectionate, he held her in his arms, handed over the maternities, thanked his wife, and took care of them when they were taken to the ward.
I think the presence at birth did not affect my parents’ behavior. But I do not recommend other husbands to be included in the birth.
Kerala, St. Petersburg
The idea of shared births was not even discussed. It was appreciated. It would be strange to sit at home on TV when a wife was born. Of course, let everyone decide for themselves. In my opinion, such important events are best experienced together. And the wife needs support. And moral (a scary), and physical (water, no file).
We contracted with the hospital, where we were told it was possible. We have been together for a long time and in a variety of situations (including in the hospital), so the birth of a child has become something to one another.
Everything was pretty dreamy. Not scary, not panic, ie scary. We arrived in the morning, born at about 8 o’clock. I was in the ward nearby. My wife is suffering, I couldn’t help much. He sat down, reassured, said something … and so on for 10 hours.
Sometimes the doctor came in and said that it was too early to give birth. I was in the process, but when problems arose, I was asked to go out of the way. My daughter didn’t want to be present immediately. I had to vacuum. So, I was kicked out – either don’t interfere or panic. How was born, right away? Called back.
The feeling was: “Yes, cool, thank God that everyone is alive and well, and how long have you had a cafe downstairs? I want to eat very well. Somehow, the result of everything. In the movie, friends stay under the windows, till the morning entertainment and everything.
I think I’m pretty boring, but when it was all over, and my wife and baby went to rest, I went home and just fell asleep. Well, I called my parents, like, parents, everything’s fine. When I took my wife and daughter to the hospital, there were more reactions.
Feelings are difficult because when a loved one is hurt, and you can just say “be patient” with him, it is not pleasant. It would be morally easy if it was possible to pass her emotions on to you. More screams, screams, screams from the chambers of the neighborhood … the wife is in panic. And for a long time. Everything is too long.
Igor, New York
This theory was, in fact, a general one. We talked about whether I could be present at the birth of a baby and whether there would be anything that could cause my wife and me to suffer. – We were assured that no.
Well, it’s important to understand that births can be different at birth, and having a camera like a diggarda can help you climb between your feet. , Of course, it was not our wish. At the hospital where the birth was given, the presence of both parents at birth is a long process, requiring strategy strategically hidden under the blinds and sheets, so neither I nor my wife saw anything like that. ۔
In the process, I was fine. Julia (wife), of course, did not enjoy all of this, until the anesthesia began. After that, we joke around, holding hands, discussing some trash and watching some reality shows about TV lures in the room until we fell asleep (we arrived at the hospital at one o’clock in the morning), Cut off at three o’clock).
We slept for several hours. A bright light woke me up – the doctor came; the obstetrician looked at Julia and asked: “Hey, why are you pregnant or not?”; We smiled at this silly, but timely joke, and that’s how it started. I was told to hold my wife by the heel. Five minutes later, with square eyes, I was looking at my daughter.
After another minute they gave me a hold (I didn’t even expect it); at that point, I was paralyzed: I was afraid of breathing, moving and blinking. I don’t have enough words to describe it, so that was incredible. I saw his wrinkled face in a pink hat. Probably a great life experience! If I wasn’t in the room that day, would I like my daughter less? Hardly. But I can say that I was with my daughter from the very second of my life. And it’s a very cool feeling.
In our case, I did some nominal participation in the process – holding my wife’s hand, calming and supporting her and staying with her when your baby is born. Well, the birth was very easy, so no stress. Here in such births, I think it is useful to have everyone. If this procedure is painful, many hours, and we say that, if both parents see everything, it is unlikely that many will like the experience. But allowing a father and mother, of course, should be done by now, and should not be kept in the cold for three days.
I rate the experience amazingly. Again, I barely have enough words to describe my feelings, but I miss them almost every minute of the day, and now, when I remember him, I sit down and smile like a fool. Yes, I used to think that we could be harder with our wife than we were before pregnancy and childbirth. It turns out they can!
Frankly, it’s hard for me to imagine a man suggesting a common birth. That’s it, once, a long time ago, my wife informed me that she would be happy if I was at birth. Like, she would be very quiet. I was not particularly opposed.
Normally, I imagined it as a whole hour of screaming, pain and blood seas. It turns out that everything is a little wrong. Most of the time you spend waiting for the effort to start. Until then, your woman just needs to breathe hard. And to even get to this point. Birth itself takes less time than anything else.
The feeling is not the most comfortable. The screams of other women and children are heard from our chambers. Just like in horror movies. Also, at the time of birth, your woman is surrounded by doctors, someone is pushing somewhere, some is kicking someone out, somebody is saying something. And with all of this, you simultaneously hear screams of unbearable pain from your beloved. Most of the doubts are not with the situation but with the situation.
Understanding that something unusual is happening before your eyes are finally revealed. Shortly before the end of the birth, when I saw my baby’s hair. She was not fully born yet, but her scalp was clear. And from that moment there was a sense that something unusual was happening.
“Is this your child’s usual color?” , “Will she turn pink?” , “And what kind of hole is on his head?” , “And should that be considered as such?” , “Is everything okay with that?” I think I’m with these questions. Tortured all our obstetricians, asking every one of them several times. I know I have strong psychology, and all kinds of operations and paintings have never hurt me. But I think it’s unpleasant for people who don’t have this experience. Blood, a placenta, a violet-blue baby (then that color will change, yes), the last and everything else is not the easiest thing.
But if I get hurt, then this is the feeling through which every woman goes through childbirth.
Immediately after the birth of my baby. Later, I was able to see it, touch it. I had already seen him before his mother. And this is an unusual thrill. I never had any children and was in my head right away. The unusual emotions were born. The fact that I was born in some cases was bound to make us stronger. I guess if they just called me and said, well, you’re a father, I wouldn’t feel that way. Or at least felt it later.
The feeling that we have parents has come to us. And it somehow comes together. We are no longer just spouses. We are the mother and father of a beautiful baby. It cannot be united but united. Well, maybe my respect for the other half has grown. Seriously, the fact that all mothers are experiencing childbirth.
When I arrived home after everything was over, I couldn’t sleep much longer. First, because of the emotions, and then the events of birth appeared in my head. However, I can confidently say that I will be included in all my next births. Staying close not only gives a woman a clear understanding of what she is looking for but also brings you closer. This is one of the best days I’ve been able to survive. And I’m glad I was there.
I know that when a husband sees her with all eyes, many are worried about having a child and experiencing labor. Plus, some dads aren’t just ready to see what happens there. In both cases, parents should understand. Each of our friends reacted to the fact that I would be born without a doubt. The older generation claims that they are unable to participate in the birth of a baby, while the younger generation claims that they cannot simply give birth to a friend. And I understand them all. But if none of this stops you, work together. I have been a bit skeptical for some time about whether a baby is capable of being born, but I am convinced that I made the only right decision for myself.